whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
