what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
