I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
