from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
