i can't believe i had my finger in that
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
