Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
