Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Randomize
