Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
