I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
