Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
