You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
