The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
