You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
