You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
