Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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