Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
40s are totally the cure
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
