You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
