It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
