Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize