What did we do last night that was yellow?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
