he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
