this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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