can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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