i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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