I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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