shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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