It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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