i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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