Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
