Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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