I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
