Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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