Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
