would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
