Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
