he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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