You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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