She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I AM VODKA MAN
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
