we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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