I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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