Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
