so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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