one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
