You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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