I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
