The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
