Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
