Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
