I can't watch pbs sober anymore
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
