youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
