Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
