I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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