I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
