There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize