my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
this boner is exhausting
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
