the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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