I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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