only you would photoshop your dick
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
