Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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