my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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