You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
