just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
