my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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