if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
