So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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