YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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