Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am midnight drunk by noon
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
