who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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