I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When are your genitals available?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
