my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
